/b/ - Siberia

>be me, average /pol/ user
>living with mom in a generic liberal suburb in a first world country
>wake up at noon on my couch, groggy from late night starcraft and shitposting
>climb basement steps to grab some dew and ritos from the kitchen
>mom's at the kitchen table with some envelopes
<some very unexpected news today anon. apparently the state just got overthrown by commies!
>what? for real?
>the panic is already setting in
>i knew the jew was crafty but how could he be so many steps ahead?
<anon, you know you're not supposed to say nasty racist things like that! tsk tsk tsk
<anyway, we've both got mail
<mine says… oh wow! it says my pension is now fully subsidized! bye bye walmart greeter job!
<here's yours, anon
>i open the envelope

Dear Mr. Anon:

You were listed on the last census as unemployed, but your hardship is no more. Your new job (paying $25 hourly plus full benefits and your own one-bedroom) is courtesy of our government's new Five Year Plan, with which we hope to bring the unemployment rate quite literally down to zero while completely revitalizing abandoned industry annd infrastructure. You start next week Monday, at your town's newly refurbished steel mill. Red greetings,

- The Communist Party of Foobaristan

>uh mom
<yes son?
>we got any dew and ritos?
<the new state store doesn't seem to have any. i got OJ and rice crackers if you want?

>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE